Hello from the other side
by Stary-dragonlover
Summary: How does one learn to live without the other half of their heart? He was finding it very difficult to do so even five years later. Malec, Death mentions
1. Chapter 1

The winter of New York was surprisingly cold this year, the crisp chill running over any skin that peeked out from among the warm layers that kept the warmth in. The shocking coolness was a pleasant surprise and left him smiling faintly.

It brought up memories, of a time when he had someone that he wanted to keep warm, how he would run his fingers over those arms. Bringing warmth to him even as he pulled the slighter man to his chest and held him close.

It had been often that they had ventured out into the New York winters, from trips to the ice rink that left them cold and breathless, to the plays that they had often frequented in the later years. How they had laughed as the walked from the theatre and made their way along through the streets of their home. Heads held together as if they were in their little world.

A weak smile spread across his face as he stopped at his destination, staring down at it from behind the bouquet of blue roses that he knew he had loved so very much. He could remember how his eyes had danced when he had first brought them on one of their dates. How his face had lit up and his smile had broken like a child's at receiving something they loved.

Kneeling down, beside the grave, he laid the roses out on the snow covered grave, resting them near the headstone and smiled as he noticed that there were the signs of others having been there. His friends had evidently come by to see him today. As they always did on this day, the anniversary of his death.

A single flower was laid out across the top along with a letter in the all too familiar scrawl of Clary Herondale's handwriting. Beside it was the usual array of gifts that he knew came from Simon and Isabelle. The thought of them made his heart twist and ache.

Rising from his crouch he did not need to turn to know that he was not alone. He could sense the two figures who lingered at the edges of his peripherals, and he was both comforted by their presence and saddened by them. Twisting his head from one side to the other he sighed as his eyes fell on a the stark blonde hair that sat atop Jace Herondale's head, the rest of him swathed in his usually favoured black.

The other man stood with his feet braced, his shoulders squared, and his hands shoved into his jacket pocket. His face was unreadable, and his eyes were guarded as they met his eyes. Like every year the blonde said nothing to him, just letting him have his time to speak silently to the grave. Speaking in detail about the year that had passed since his last visit until his voice grew hoarse with his tears and he could no longer see anything through the bitter tears.

"He wouldn't want you to dwell on this forever you know!... He would want you to live."

The second person finally spoke, as she always did. Catarina Loss a constant companion of the truth, her eyes and voice as tender as she could be. One blue hand finding it's way to his shoulder, gripping it tightly and offering him her support as she always did, her gaze lingering on his face and saddening significantly. As if she could see the pain that still filled his every fibre, the ache in his very being that would not go away.

" I know...and I'm trying. I just can't yet."

" I know...but someday you will...and you need to know that that is okay!"

Nodding he let his fingers rest on hers, finally turning away from the grave to make his way out of the graveyard. His shoulders hunched forward against the wind that had picked up during his visit. Ignoring the shadow he knew he now had as he made his way.

He didn't acknowledge it until he had at last returned to his apartment. It was there outside the building that had been his home for years that he stopped and turned towards the blonde. Meeting his eyes as he only did around once a year, only could do once a year.

"He's gone you know!...and he's not coming back." He flinched at Jace's usual blunt manner. He wasn't surprised at it, though.

"I know. there is nothing in my power that could bring him back, no matter how much I wish I could!"

"Then why do you do this to yourself? We're all here for you. You do know that don't you? He wouldn't want you to hole yourself up alone to suffer without anyone. He loved you too much for that, and he wanted to see you thriving, living life and happy!"

The piercing pain that hit his chest was the answer to that. The idea of the one he'd loved so much not there to share those things with him, to see that smile and hear him laugh. Shaking his head he pulled his coat more around himself. Meeting those imploring eyes of the other who had been the only one to continue to pursue this with the same persistence and drive after all these years.

" I know Jace."

And he did know, he knew that his love would never have wanted him to withdraw the way he had. Would not want him to push away the love and support offered him from so many of those that cared for him.

He could remember how they had first come to him in droves, from Maia and Lily along with Tessa and Jem Carstairs. And of course, Jace, Clary, Simon, and Isabelle. They had all been a constant presence in his life trying endlessly to help and to support him. He had been too raw then, the hurt too new and the loss too sudden painful. He had felt as if his heart and soul were dragged over broken glass and salt every time he looked at them, seeing their happiness their love.

So he had withdrawn into himself, allowing his heart the time it needed to heal. Allowing only Max to come any closer than the walls he used to hold the others back, the barriers against letting anyone into his heart. He couldn't handle losing someone that he loved.

" I just can't alright… I'm not ready to let him go yet."

The sadness that usually entered the blonde's eyes as they had these conversations made that usual ache in his chest worse as he recoiled into himself. He knew that the other was trying and that every time he pulled away from him, it caused the blonde pain, but he couldn't help himself.

" Alright… you have my number if you need anything!"

With that Jace turned and made his way along through the barren street, his shoulders hunched forward in the way that usually meant he was greatly troubled. His head lowered and his pace slow. It hurt to see the usually energetic man hurting this way, but he could do nothing to help his pain when his own still held its sway.

The warmth of the interior was shocking when following the numbing cold of the early evening. Ignoring the tingling feeling crawling over his skin now as he made his way inside and into the apartment he smiled tiredly as he heard the all too familiar meow that greeted him at the door. Grateful that the initial desire to have nothing to do with Chairman Meow after it had happened had passed.

He had hated sending the cat to live with Max uptown, but every time he had heard that mewling or had the feline curl his way around him he had felt as if he would break apart. Memories were drowning him until he could no longer see straight. Thankfully with time that had passed and now Chairman had been his most constant companion.

Stooping low he gathered the ball of purring fur into his arms. Walking the rest of the way towards the blinking lights he could see from the answering machine. Hitting play he cringed as "you have five new messages" was announced in the precise, mechanical voice of the machine.

" Hi, it's Clary! I know Jace saw you today. But I missed you and wanted to know if you would come to come to Joseph's birthday party at the end of the month. I know…..

" He let it trail off into background noise as he traveled into the bedroom. Placing Chairman delicately onto the bed he pulled his shirt off over his head and turned towards his closet. Opening the doors he hesitated as he always did at the sight of the shirts he hadn't yet had the heart to throw away. Pulling one of the many shirts from its hanger he held it tightly to his chest and buried his face inside of it.

He could almost imagine the smell of his lover lingering in the fabric even though it had been four years since it had been worn by him. Still the idea that this shirt had once been worn by him had touched his skin was enough to have him pulling it on over his head.

Turning back towards the doorway he sighed faintly as he shifted along through the halls of the apartment. Walking the all too familiar steps it would take to draw himself into the kitchen. Somewhere he could hear the voice of Clary change, melting into Simon's, Luke's, and finally the all too familiar voice that came across the line.

" This is James Carstairs. I know that it is that time of the year again where you draw into yourself and Tessa likewise worries. I'm calling to let you know that we are planning on making a trip up to New York next week to be there for Joseph's birthday. Tessa is busying herself with gifts and things for him but wanted me to call you and confirm if it would be okay for us to stop by. You know our number. Feel free to call at any time."

Shaking his head he cringed and leaned on the counter as he gathered his newly poured cup of coffee to himself. This phone call was not unexpected, as it came every year on this day. The first two years it had come from Tessa herself, and it had been much longer. Imploring him to pick up the phone at first and then finally expressing her concern over his continued isolation. In him last two years it had been the calmer and more collected Jem who had called, his message concise and brief.

As the visits they promised were also starting to become, them unable to find ways to continue making small talk with themselves when he gave no assistance to the conversations. It wasn't that he wasn't happy to see them, it was more that he just didn't want to invite anyone into his world.

The final message started with complete silence, so long that he began to think that perhaps the person had not realized they had dialed his number and had instead walked away from their phone. It had happened now and then. Heading over to the machine to erase the message he paused momentarily, his finger over the button, to smile down at Chairman Meow as he wound himself between his legs meowing up at him.

"You promised me!...you promised me you would live your life!"

The voice that broke the silence drew a gasp of shock from him, his fingers going numb around the cup. Leaving the furious cat to hiss at him as he hurried away from the sudden downpour of liquid that fell on him. This was completely lost on him as he stared wide-eyed at the flashing light on the machine. There was no way...he was hearing things.

"You promised me that you would not pull away from your life, that you would let those who loved you be there. Please do not hurt yourself this way. Trapping yourself alone in isolated pain is only going to cause more pain for you...please my love. I love you so much… but I don't want you to die or to live a life filled with missing me...when you finally do come here I want you to have lived a long life filled with joy and love! I….I….miss...youu…."

The voice then faded off into nothingness and yet the call continued and he waited in silence. Praying that his voice would return, warmth running down his cheeks as he could feel his body trembling now. So violently now that he almost felt weak in the knees. When deep breathing could suddenly be heard on the other line, he leaned forward his eyes wide and desperate for more of whatever the other had to say.

"please father… pleaseeeee… enough ...is enough… we love you… we don't want you to suffer this way… he can't stay any longer...my magic cannot sustain him more than it already has...but please know that he wanted you to know how much he loves you and wants to see you smile. He says he's watching over you!"

With that, the voice of his son faded off, and the call ended leaving him to stare in bewilderment at the machine. His body cold and his throat tight. Tears an endless stream now as he folded his arms over his chest, cradling himself as he bit down on the sob of agony that sought to pull itself from him.

Turning away once he had managed to hit the button to save all messages he made his way down the hall towards the room that he had not gone near since that horrible day five years ago today. To the room that had been entirely his, and had since become a shrine now that he was no longer filling it with himself. Cracking the door open he stepped forward into the room ignoring the horrid smell of dust, and that came with the place being so closed off for so long.

Letting his eyes trail over the mahogany desk and the many many bookshelves that lined the walls he felt his heart begin to ache as he spotted the fireplace and the large plush chair he often remembered falling in sleep watching as his beloved bent over that desk. His nose lost in a book and his fingers flying over the pages of his notes, the fireplace alive with his blue flames.

Boxes of the other's things lined the other free places of the room including.. and most prominently the blue sequined suit that lay half shredded on the floor, the dark indigo colour still marred and ruined with old blood. Walking on lead like legs he moved towards it and let himself fall to his knees, pulling the destroyed material against his chest as he often did the other suits, and shirts that he wore to be closer to him he felt a sob leaving him now. Burying his face in the materials as he sobbed desperately, a scream ringing through the room almost startling him until he registered the agony in his throat.

 _Magnus, his Magnus was gone…_

* * *

AN: Evening everyone. This is just a short little Drabble that i came up with because I really liked the line "Hello from the other side"...even though I didn't use that line in anything other than the title the concept of someone reaching out to their loved one from beyond the grave appealed to me. If this is received well I might add a second chapter going into more detail about what happened and how things end for Alec.


	2. Chapter 2

New York 2022

"I told I don't need a coat Dad!"

Alec grinned to himself as he heard the usual banter between his two favorite warlocks. The older, black haired one, the love of his life, only rolled his amber eyes with a smirk and flicked one ringed finger towards their son.

The following grumble of irritation led to Magnus' laughter as the Feline eyed warlock's face beamed with happiness even as Max growled in annoyance at the jacket that was now hanging on his frame. Muttering to himself about his father's overbearing nature and shaking his head, Alec could sometimes see the glimmers of Max's real skin colour below the glamors that he wore to join them on their venture out into the city.

"You'll be glad when you don't lose anything, it's cold today" Magnus chided with a gentleness that Alec could remember only ever seeing in the other when he spoke to their son, or sometimes Clary.

"Dad seriously I'm Fifteen! I can handle myself!" Max huffed, folding his arms across his chest as he stepped forward a few steps his fingers glittering at his annoyance before calming.

Magnus opened his mouth to reply, the glimmer in his eyes enough for Alec to know that he planned some mischievous retort. However a moment later his head snapped to the right, and his feline eyes narrowed as he grew tense.

"Alexander…. you may wish to call Jace…" With that said Magnus caught Max's arm in his and drew him with him into the alley nearest them.

The sulfur was almost enough to choke him as Alec hurried after his lover and their son, drawing one of the seraph blades that he kept with him at all times. His other hand finding the phone tucked away in his back pocket and hitting his number one speed dial.

He hated to bother Jace; the blonde was an expecting father, and he was as much the lovesick fool that Alec had always suspected he would be when the time came, and Clary finally agreed to have children. Jace was almost never more than a few steps from the red haired woman these days as she was soon to go into labor, her petite stature leaving her pregnancy weight to leave her a little limited in movement.

"Hey, Alec! I thought you were going to the theater with Magnus and Max! Don't worry about Clary - though it's sweet, you're checking in...but Tessa and Jem are here to help, and Simon won't stop fussing. She's threatened him with a knife to make him stop running to her side every time she gets out of her chair. Gods I love this girl!"

The tidal wave of words exploded from the other end of the line when Jace picked up, and Alec had to sigh as he knew that his news would shatter the other's good mood. It was unbelievable how much having Clary in his life had calmed the once self-destructive blonde down and even how much his capacity for love and affection had grown over the years.

"Alec?"

Something about Alec's silence seemed to register with Jace as his tone went from light and happy to immediately serious. In the background, Alec could hear the bustle of the others go silent, and his sister was asking "what is it?"

"Fourth and Main… the alley behind the Nandos...we have major demon activity." Alec reported, his eyes searching out where he could already see blue sparks flying from his warlocks' fingers as the demons appeared the powers only making the sequences on Magnus' suite glitter in the early evening dim.

" I'll be there!"

With the declaration, the phone went dead leaving Alec free to step into the battle alongside his family. One thing he had gotten used to over the years was how to fight with a warlock at his side, he knew when to move aside and let them handle things, and he had gotten over his impulse to handle everything alone. It amazed him sometimes how smoothly they could transition between his frontal attacks with his blades, and Magnus' ranged attacks with his magic.

Despite the practice and the power all three of them had the enemy was many and Alec frowned as he felt them pressing in around them. He couldn't think of anything, merely reacting to what was going on. A jab here, a thrust there. Parry, lung; leap dodge. These were all that his mind had time to register as he reacted mostly because of instinct and the many years he had trained.

There was a rather painful moment in which one of the demon's managed to catch him under the rib cage with a tail spike, leaving him staggered against the wall. The burn of its venom as it worked it's way through his body was almost shocking at how rapidly it progressed. Burning up his side and down his arm and then immediately numbing the limb as he felt his lungs constricting.

"Dad!"

"I'm fine! Help your father!"

Alec frowned as his lips felt numb now and his vision blurred as he looked up to see Max over him. When had he ended up on the ground? Wait why was Max blue? Shaking his head Alec tried to push himself up to his feet, only succeeding in reaching his knees before the world tilted and spun.

"Stay down Alexander...that one got you pretty good… Max… start working on drawing the venom I'll be right there!" Magnus called from somewhere out in the black murk that was Alec's sight right now.

Blinking rapidly trying to clear his vision Max came more into view and Alec frowned as he realized that his son's glamour had been completely obliterated, which only ever happened when he had used too much of his powers at once. Not that Alec or Magnus ever cared that their son was blue in colour, but the mundanes were not as understanding. Another reason for his frown was the deep, bleeding cut that Alec could already see healing along Max's jaw and down over his neck.

" You're hurt!" God, was that weak gasp him?

"I'm okay dad, here.." The growing dark of the Alley was suddenly lit up by the bright pale blue that accompanied Max's magic as he reached to heal his wound.

It always awed Alec to watch Max work. The young warlock had taken pride in learning his art from his father since he was old enough to spark and transport things - which disturbingly had begun at the early age of five. The first time something had appeared suddenly in Max's hands had come as a shock to the shadowhunter before he had finally just given up on trying to keep toys that Max wanted away from him.

"It's not working! I don't think I have enough left!"

Max calling out in frustration drew Alec out of his stupor. The deep lines that his son got around his eyes when he worried about something or was anxious made Alec tense as his muddled brain tried to stumble to catch up. What wasn't working? The healing? Was that why his whole body now felt like it was on fire?

A rather vulgar curse left Magnus then - Alec would have to chastise him later for that sort of language in front of Max- as he turned and hurtled what Alec could only describe as a light grenade. The blue flames exploding as they made contact with their target and striking many of the smaller demons around it.

Turning towards the sounds of screeching Alec felt his body relaxing as he saw Magnus suddenly crouched beside Max. One hand was held upwards and out towards the alley, blue light shimmering at his fingertips, and for a moment, the silence seemed to engulf them. The other hand was suddenly on Alec's cheek, those blue flames that he knew so well dancing over his skin, yet not burning.

Alec sighed in relief at the touch of the oh so familiar magic as it ran the length of his body healing the wound and drawing the venom from his injuries. As the burning subsided and the numbness slowly eased out of his limbs, Alec let himself nuzzle into the hand that was touching him. Last to return was his awareness, but when it did come he realized why they suddenly seemed to be in a separate place from the cries of the demons before. There was a blue shimmer to the alley immediately around them, and Alec stared in wonder at the shield that seemed to be holding the demons at bay.

" I didn't know you could do this!"

A smirk spread over the feline-eyed Warlock's face as he quirked his head, pulling his hand back to hang limply over his knee. Despite the pleased expression and the almost cockiness of his posture Alec could see a serious tiredness that was pressing in on the edges of the warlock's features. His amber eyes a dulled shadow of their natural fire and his usually tanned complexion oddly pale.

" Hey after dating for seventeen years I have to have something to surprise you with don't I Alexander?"

Alec felt his lips curling up into a smile as he heard Magnus teasing remark the tension slowly fading from him more as he saw over the warlock's shoulder as an all too familiar head of blonde and brown hair appeared running up the alley behind them. Isabelle was right with her husband and their adoptive brother. To his horror, Alec frowned as he spotted Clary hurrying a ways behind them.

"I told you to stay out on the main street!"

Jace was shouting back at her even as he dove into the mix, his seraph blade flying in pace with the claws coming at him as he moved as he always did. Ever the avenging angel, his body, almost blurring with his movements and his skills shining through from years of practice and battle.

"And I told you that wasn't going to happen!" Clary snapped back racing to her Parabatai's side.

The idea of the tiny woman fighting in her extremely pregnant state was preposterous to Alec, and he shook his head. The moment, however, lost as he noticed the danger even before Jace himself did. From where he was, he could see the demon lunging for the fiery haired shadowhunter, it's pronged tail flying at her, as well as the expression on Jace and Simon's faces as they also noticed the danger.

In a heartbeat, Alec was up and moving with only one thought in mind, protect his parabatai's heart. Somehow his body behaved enough to propel him across the distance between them. However, that was where it failed him. With himself placed between the demon and Clary, his barely returning strength petered out as he attempted to draw his Seraph blade. Widening his eyes, he stared up at the demon even as it crashed down on them.

"Alec!"

"Clary!"

The panicked voices of everyone in the alley pounded in Alec's ears as he stared as he had been at the beast before him. His body tense and struggling to respond to the danger, clary's hands buried in his shirt as she had her arms wrapped around him as if she could protect him from harm the same as he had tried to protect her.

But what he was seeing was what had left his brain short circuiting. Standing in front of both of them, his broad back facing them and his blue-tipped fingers spread wide in front of them was Magnus. The shimmer of his shield flickering as it seemed to momentarily hold the demon back. Alec frowned as he noticed how much paler Magnus was and heard the heaving breaths the other was letting out. His neck now soaked with sweat and he could see those normally strong shoulders trembling under the strain.

"m..agnus" that was clary's gasped whisper as she saw the same thing Alec was. The warlock may have stopped the demon, but he would not hold for long.

Even as the thought crossed his mind, Alec gasped as the light shattered in a few glittering sparks leaving Magnus staggering backwards in exhaustion. The demon was not wasting even a moment as it lunged again at the now weakened Warlock even as Magnus rose his hands once more.

Time seemed to slow as Alec could do nothing but watch as the blue sparks he had seen so many times barely seemed to sizzle at his lover's fingers before disappearing leaving Magnus utterly defenseless.

Someone was screaming as the warlock's blood filled the air as Magnus was thrown across the alley to crumble to the ground a good foot away. Alec only realized that it was him when he had to inhale sharply to ease the desperate ache in his lungs after expelling all of his oxygen. Turning from the demon then Alec found himself running to the crumbled body of his lover.

Somewhere Alec was aware that the others had converged on the demon with violent, furious roars of rage. None of that mattered now however as Alec reached Magnus' side, his eyes locked on the barely moving man even as his son was ripping his now destroyed suite from him and began pressing his blue fingers to the gaping wound that was cut deeply from Magnus' left shoulder to his naval. The ground was already wet with Magnus' blood as Alec knelt at their sides reaching for Magnus.

"Take what you need… take it all if you have to…" Was that hoarse whisper his?

The amber eyes that found his dulled with such a profound agony and exhaustion that Alec felt as if his heart had been ripped from his chest. As iff the deep wound had been within his flesh. There was so much in those eyes that Alec felt his throat constricting and his eyes burned as he shook his head pulling Magnus hands to his lips.

" It's okay! Max will heal you…" Alec promised in a soft whisper as he leaned forward pressing his lips to the other. Pressing against Magnus and praying that he would feel the same draw he had in the past, the one that told him that Magnus was borrowing the powers and energy he needed to heal himself.

"I ...I can't! I don't have enough left!" the desperate cry pulled Alec back a moment later as he snapped around and grabbed one bloody hand in his and held on tight.

"Take mine! Take it all! Save him!"

"Alexander….its… no use...after your injury not even you have enough to give him what he needs… and..even if he did have enough...I would not heal fast enough."

Alec flinched at those words, spoken so calmly, so reasonably. But there was absolutely nothing reasonable about any of this situation. No! He would not accept this. Magnus Bane was a freaking warlock.

" You are supposed to watch me grow old and die! You are meant to live! You're immortal for pity's sake. " Alec snapped as his fingers started digging through Magnus' pockets for the phone he knew the other kept there. Pulling it out and cursing as the screen was cracked.

Ignoring his name on his lover's lips, Alec prayed that the phone would still work enough for what he wanted. Sending a prayer to the angel as although damaged, the phone still turned on and allowed him to pull up Magnus' contacts - he kept telling Magnus not to use his birthday as his password- and hit the speed dial for Catarina Loss. It rang once, twice and then went straight to her voicemail.

"Dammit!" Alec swore before looking around for the others, who were now standing just behind him. " ...Clary do something!"

The bewildered expression that crossed her face then almost made Alec feel badly for his cross tone. Almost. She blinked at him as if she couldn't understand him for a few more moments before stepping forward.

"...What do you want me to do Alec?"

"Create a rune!... make one that will heal a warlock! You created the rune that would work on downworlders before! Do that now!" Alec knew that what he was demanding of his parabatai's wife was unreasonable and ludicrous, but the words would not stop. Nor would the violent trembling in his body.

"Alec!... you know that isn't how her powers work!" Jace's voice was gentle, kind. The look on his parabatai's face telling Alec all too well that Jace was feeling every ounce of his heart desperately breaking at the situation.

"I Don't care! what use are her powers if she can't use them!"

"Alexander!"

The sharp call drew Alec's eyes around to Magnus then as he leaned forward, reaching out to gently touch his lover's paling cheek with trembling fingers. Never before had Magnus ever seemed this...brittle. This vulnerable. Not even when Alec had found him in Lilith's domain, even though he had been dying then as well.

Alec felt his breath leave him at the thought. Magnus was dying, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. His Magnus was slipping away with every moment that he knelt there yelling at their friends.

"Alec… please… there is something...something I would like…" Magnus had to stop and start several times before he could finish.

" Yes! anything!"

"I don't want to die here…"

" Of course! I'll take you home!" Alec agreed as he thrust Magnus' phone at Simon. " keep trying Catarina loss!"

"No...I don't want to die there… you and Max will live there…I don't wish to ruin that place. Hmm, Clary…" Magnus' voice was so weak. Alec wanted to tell him to stop talking even as Clary leaned in to hear his request, the tears on her cheeks making Alec realize something. He too was crying.

When Clary pulled back and hurried to stand up and began creating a portal on the alley wall Alec blinked almost numbly as he found his arm being slung over Izzy's shoulder as his sister helped him stand. In front of him, Jace and Simon were picking Magnus up, each crossing their arm under his knees and back to hold him reclined back over their arms, max's hand held firmly over the worst of the wounds.

As he watched, Alec realized that Max's other hand was deftly touching Jace's shoulder and the strain that was filling the blonde's face made Alec's heart skip a beat a moment. Jace was giving up his energy to his son in an attempt to keep Magnus alive long enough to get him where he wanted to go.

Moments later the portal was open, and Jace and Simon were carrying Magnus through Clary rushing to help Alec through just behind Max. Alec staggered as they arrived, the usual disorientation of travelling via portal hitting him harder due to everything that was going on. When he was finally able to gather his wits he was left blinking and staring around.

Staring back at him was an assortment of startled shadowhunters as a heavy silence seemed to have covered the accord halls of Alicante. Alec stared around in shocked silence before finally pulling his attention away from where he could see his father rushing through the crowd, calling their names clearly worried. All he cared about was Magnus, who now looked worse than ever where Simon and Jace were lowering him into Max's care.

"Magnus….what are we doing here?..why Alicante of all places?...this is a shadowhunter place!" Alec gasped as he fell to his knees and reached for his lover's fingers in his own.

The exhaustion was all he could see in Magnus' face now despite the continued power that Max was pouring into Magnus, his hand now being grasped in Jace's as he continued to draw on Alec's parabatai for more energy. Alec could see that even with this it would not last long, Magnus would fade and die.

" we should have portaled you to Catarina!" he chided gently barely noticing as Clary and Isabelle rushed through the portal.

"Alexander! you're bleeding!...by the angel! " Robert Lightwood trailed off seeing the state his son's long time boyfriend was in, and he turned yelling for them to run for a healer.

"This place was the first time you acknowledged me entirely… when you kissed me here, you were telling not only me but your people that you didn't care what they thought of you. That I was yours, and you were mine!" Magnus' voice sounded more steady now with the continued energy that Max was supplying him. His face, though so pale now and strained, wore a gentle smile and his eyes locked on Alec.

"Because You are mine… I would kiss you a million times over if only I could stop this!"

" I know Alexander!...I...must admit that I was not expecting...this...I have lost my lovers...I know the pain I'm going to put you through...and I never wanted you to suffer through this!" Magnus stopped then to swallow hard, blinking rapidly as tears trickled down his cheeks and he coughed, blood wetting his lips.

"I love you so much! You and Max!...you are the most precious things I have had in my four hundred plus years… you showed me what it...was to live...and I'm so grateful…"

Alec could feel himself rocking now as he shook his head, his vision was blurred, his eyes burning. And he suspected that faint sobbing sound was coming from him. Shaking his head, Alec kissed his hand and held it to his chest.

"I am the one that should be grateful… you saw me when...everyone only looked at Jace. You saw me and showed me that who I was was not wrong, that… I could be who I was and still be what I was "born to do"...from the moment you winked at me, to this moment… you brought so much...into my life I never thought I could have…"

Alec trailed off then as he could not force anything more out, his throat closing up and his eyes clenched shut as he curled around the hand against his chest. Only Alec realized with a start that he couldn't feel the hand there, he couldn't feel the skin against his palms or the ground under his knees. And at that moment, he jerked his head upwards almost afraid that Magnus was somehow gone.

"... I"m so sorry I can't stay Alexander. My beautiful angel… I wanted to see that day when we were married in the halls of your people...wanted to meet the first Fairchild Herondale child to be born...watch Max grow up….But if I have to go it's here...with you and max at my side...surrounded by those that I care for." Magnus words were so soft now, and his lips were losing all colour but the blood that he kept coughing up.

Now that he was aware of his surroundings Alec jumped as he noticed the hand on his arm, a different colour blue than Max's, the other hand pressed over the wound in Magnus' chest. Catarina loss was staring down at Magnus from where she knelt beside them, her normally composed expression raw and brutally pained.

Alec was also shocked to find that having taken Jace's place in providing Max with energy was Jem, who crouched beside him with Tessa at his side.

"Hush now… Catarina's here now… she'll heal you you're going to be fine.." Alec protested, the words falling short even in his ears.

"Promise me something!"

"of course! Anything!" Alec felt as if his heart was crushed in his chest.

"Please live!... Love again, be happy. Live a life full of joy and wonder. Do not let the grief of me passing steal away your life. Grieve for me… you Nephilim love with all of yourselves so desperately and soo deeply that pain can shatter you. Please do not let yourself shatter. Or if you must shatter then, please let the ones that love you help you put the pieces back together again when you have finished mourning me."

The words were unthinkable to Alec as he stared at Magnus as if he had never met the Warlock before. How could Magnus ask any of those things of him? How could he be expected to live and be happy when the man he loved with every ounce of his being was dying? How could he ever love someone else the way he had loved Magnus?

"Please, Alec. You must promise me this! You must promise me and actively work towards it!..."

Alec jumped as Magnus rose the hand pressed against Alec's chest to cup his cheek. Stroking his thumb over the trail of tears, wiping them away his eyes imploring and desperate.

"I promise you!" Alec's mouth burned with the lie… but how could he deny the man he loved his dying wish?

With the promise received it was almost as if Magnus wilted before their very eyes until he could not even keep his head up, having to lay it in Tessa's lap now as the other warlock ran her fingers lightly through his hair. Alec did not move as he watched as the man he loved continued to draw laboured breaths over and over. one minute, two minutes..then three dragged on before finally with what was left of his strength Magnus grabbed Alec's cheek and pulled him down until their lips were touching.

Alec could not know for sure but as he kissed the warlock, his eyes locked on those amber ones beneath him. Alec thought he felt Magnus murmur "I love you…" against his lips as the light seemed to fade completely from his eyes and his breathing hitched and stopped.

Alec did not need to look up when he pulled back from Magnus to know that he was dead. His eyes unseeing and his once expressive face forever still. Magnus was gone…

* * *

New York 2027

The floor was cold against his cheek, Alec's body aching from how long he had laid upon it. His arms curled around his chest, cradling the ruined fabric he had cried himself to sleep holding. His body rocked faintly as he finally managed to drag himself to sit up. His knees and sides ached, and his fingers were numb.

Alec's throat was dry and sore, and his eyelids stuck together like they often do after one has cried for a very long time. He could not think clearly as he turned to look around the room his mind seeing everything as if through a haze or fog. When finally he got a look at the digital clock over the fireplace he flinched.

Three days…he had lain here on the floor of the study for three days without moving, only crying and screaming when he had the energy to do so…no wonder he was thirsty and so out of it. He had not eaten or drank anything in that time and now that he was thinking about it; he could vaguely remember the sounds of the phone and the door.

Pulling himself weakly from the floor Alec stumbled from the study, still clutching the suite Magnus had died into himself. Somehow he found the bathroom, and he collapsed against the counter as he fumbled with the faucet. Drinking deep gulps of water from his hands, Alec did not even want to think about the way he looked there as he hunched over the counter in the bathroom desperately drinking from the faucet. But see what he looked like he had to as when he looked up he came face to face with what should have been himself

Instead, what he saw in the mirror was the husk of a man, with too pale skin, sunken eyes and cheekbones. There was almost no muscle or even any fat on the skeleton that stood before him. The Alec Lightwood in the mirror was hardly even there, almost as if the wind would blow him away should it catch him.

No wonder Jace looked so pained every time he pulled away from him if this was the state that Alec was in then it must be killing his parabatai to watch him waste away and was refused when offering help. Alec could not remember the last time he had truly looked at himself in the mirror or seen how he truly looked. Surely he had not looked…this bad. Had he?

Picking a slow path from the bathroom, Alec looked around the loft as he made his way, for once letting himself see the memories that had often arisen as he looked around. A flash of Max and Magnus wrestling on the living room floor only to have the downstairs neighbors's fish tank's water dumped on them as Max found himself pinned under his father. Or Magnus leaning over the back of Alec's favorite chair to read the newspaper over his shoulder while he handed him his morning cup of coffee., the smile on the Warlock's face every time that Alec had returned through that door after going on a hunt with Jace and Isabelle.

His chest tightened as he remembered these things, wanting but not wanting to forget them. Wanting to push them away as he had the last five years. But that would mean that he was pushing away Magnus, pushing away the man he had been the lover and father. Ignoring the life they had lived together because he did not want to miss him. How could he have ever pushed him away from him when that meant cutting Magnus out of his mind so completely that he almost never even let the memories surface.

Stopping near the answering machine, Alec hesitated as he saw the flashing light, finally hitting the button. He cringed for an entirely different reason when it announced that he had " six missed messages."

Each of the first three was from Max with an increasingly high level of worry until the fourth one was a very short " I'm coming over!"

Great job Alec, freaking out your son he chided with a shake of his head before sighing as he sat down on the arm of the chair nearest him to listen to the others.

"Alexander Lightwood, I got a call from a particularly panicked young warlock this morning. If you do not call him back then I will be forced to pay a house visit, and as I am incredibly busy I will not be happy by this required visitation…this is Catarina Loss in case you are unawares!"

Alec blinked at the concise way in which she spoke and even the veiled threat that hung in the air as the message ended. Alec could vaguely remember Magnus telling him once that that was just how Catarina showed her concern.

"Alec are you there? Answer the phone! Max called us! He told me what he did, and he's panicking that you're doing something stupid! Call me dammit. I'll come over I don't care what time of the day it is, just call me okay?"

Alec blinked rapidly at the panicked tone of his sister's voice on the phone line. She was so desperate and so afraid for him, and she clearly expressed what he had figured out already. His lack of answering the phone had made Max worried that he wanted to join Magnus…which he would admit he did want. But he also knew that Magnus would never forgive him if he took the easy way out.

Picking up the phone Alec dailed the phone bracing himself for the barrage of words he knew would be coming at him…


	3. Chapter 3

The shrill laughs echoed through the front hall of the Institute, bringing a bright grin to Clary's face as she turned her head from where she was speaking with James and Tessa Carstairs to see her littlest son - Jonathan- running from Simon who was yelling something to the extent of the "Clawwww".

She always loved how even after all these years these were the small things that connected her Parabatai. The inside jokes from their lives as mundanes that left the others just shaking their head in wonderment. Over the years she had managed to teach Jace some of the things that brought the duo to laughing jegs and he at times even indulged her by participating. Mostly however her blonde husband just shook his head at them and let them have their fun.

Today however Jace laughed as Jonathan b-lined to hide behind his daddy's leg. Calling out that he would defend his son to the death against all monsters as he playfully drew a seraph dagger and faced off against Simon. The laughter that filled the hall was a brief relief to the sober conversation they had been having previously.

Jem and Tessa telling Isabelle that when they had gone to visit Alec at his loft they had not found him there even after multiple phone calls to confirm they would be there. Their concern had only heightened the worry that surrounded the institute. As it had only been a week since the anniversary of Magnus' death, and a week since Max Lightwood-Bane had started frantically calling them worried that his father had done something stupid because of his summoning his father.

The fact that none of them had been able to reach the black haired man since then was what had led them all to visit the loft two days prior only to find that it was perfectly normal, except for the two places that something had happened that none of them knew how to read. In Alec's study the many boxes that they had piled there, the black haired man not allowing a single box of Magnus' things to be taken from the loft, were gone. As were the dozens of Magnus clothes and knickknacks that had always filled the closet in Alec's room.

All of them were gone… every sign other than the many photos and the gifts that had been passed between the two over the years of their relationship were stripped from the loft, as was Alexander Lightwood himself. The brief text that they had received from Catarina Loss had come to inform them that Alec was alright but that he would be unreachable for a little while… and this was the only reason a full expedition to find Alec had not been made.

That and the fact that Jace could still sense Alec, it was distant, as if the other was far away at the moment, but it was more present than it had been over the last five years. Clary had been woken up to find Jace sitting up in bed holding his hand over his heart and his eyes had been wild. For a brief moment she had panicked as she assumed the worst, leaping from the bed to grab for her clothes until she suddenly had a hand gripping her wrist and pulling her to himself, clutching at her and trembling. Still she had assumed the worst until he had whispered in her ear that he felt him… for the first time in so long he felt Alec's bond flaring to life once more.

Smiling now as she watched her husband and Parabatai Clary could not help but laugh as the blonde managed to get Simon in a headlock and the two playfully wrestled for the amusement of her son, her oldest son, the birthday boy Joseph was grinning as he told Bella very loudly that 'his daddy was gonna beat her daddy", the black haired girl scowling at him as she folded her arms over her chest and shaking her head with a loud "nuh uhhhh".

Clary tensed as she heard Isabelle gasp to her right and she turned instantly towards the open doorway to the institute that they had left open to allow the breeze of the afternoon in. They had hoped to have the party outside but it had been too cold for the kids… however now Clary saw the folly in doing so as she could see three year old Jonathan heading for the stairs, seemingly distracted by something he saw. Moving forward with a shout as she saw the red haired boy tople forward she only barely registered that half a dozen eyes and bodies all twisted towards the stairs simultaneously rushing towards the boy.

What she did register however made not only her but everyone freeze in shock. As Jonathan toppled over it was someone from the outside that managed to catch him, an all too familiar head of black hair appearing as the red haired toddler was tucked up in the arms attached to that head of hair. Blue eyes seeking hers out as soon as the owner straightened up to see her and looking somewhat… bashful.

" i...know I've been out of it...but this isn't Joseph… he's too young?!" Alec murmured shyly, all too aware of the eyes all locked on him as he carried Jonathan up the steps and into the institute towards his parabatai.

The silence that followed continued on for a long time, no one daring to move or say anything, almost as if a wild deer had wandered into the institute and they were all afraid that any sudden movements would break the spell that fell upon the front hall and Alec would flee again. Finally it was Jace who stepped forward, reaching out to pluck Jonathan from his best friend's arms and hugging the boy briefly nodded to him.

"This is my second son...Jonathan… I've invited you to a few of his birthdays...but you never came… " the hurt in that tone was well masked but still brought a flush to Alec's pale cheeks as he nodded his head.

" I...know. I'm sorry!" Alec murmured gently, his eyes wandering over the faces of everyone that was there. Momentarily looking lost… as if he was regretting coming there today.

"Maybe i should have...called first?" Alec asked just as quietly his body already seeming to teeter towards the entrance as if he was preparing to leave.

" Don't be silly! This is your home Alec! You're always welcome here! " Isabelle gasped as she rushed forward to hug her older brother smiling at him as she finally pulled back her eyes almost gleaming with tears...almost...if it was anyone other than Izzy Clary would have been sure they were…

With that the silence was broken and many more moved to greet Alec, some having not actually seen the other that much, like Bella, she had only seen her uncle a few times when he had come to the institute and Joseph as well as Max who raced forward to grip his father's body in a massive hug. That was the one that shocked Clary most of all, it had been five years since she had really seen Alec and Max at the same time, and the blue skinned Warlock really had grown up in the last few years, he now towered over his father and his frame was a little broader than Alec's now.

"I"m so glad you're okay! When Catarina called me I was about to portal to your house!" Max sighed looking his father over before looking suprised. "You...look...better!"

And it was true, from the description Jace had given her, Clary had imagined Alec having an overly thin frame and an almost sickly complexion. He was however somewhat less palled and he in fact looked like he had recently begun putting on weight again. His sunken cheeks not quite as hollow and his eyes not quite as glassy.

"I realized something recently…" Alec replied with a faint shrug of his still lithe shoulders as he glanced between his son and parabatai, both leaning forward as if to coax the rest of his words from him without the use of words. It would seem they did not need to as he continued without any prompting. " I realized that by living the way i was… I was denying every part of what i had with him… And that… is more painful than losing him…"

Sighing gently Alec looked around at the others and then smiled faintly. " i have lost out on so many memories that I cannot get back. I want to start making up for that… I want to start making memories with all of you!" Alec promised gently as he reached out to run his fingers down Jonathan's nose gently as he smiled.

We're so glad to have you Alec! That will never change!" Clary promised lovingly as she reached out to hug him tightly.

Alec felt his body slowly relaxing as he stared around at those who made their rounds to see him and were now settling into the party. The institute was so foreign for him to be in, having not come here much in the last five years.

Looking up to see Jem and Tessa coming towards him Alec did his best to smile apologetically as he saw how worried Tessa looked. He jumped ever so slightly as his phone buzzed in his pocket and as he pulled his phone out of his pocket he noticed subconsciously how Jem and Tessa tensed in front of him, staring over his shoulder towards the door to the entrance.

Looking down at his phone he froze as he saw the name that popped up and he stared at the text that was staring up at him from the screen. His hand was trembling as he clicked on the text pulling it up and reading it.

 _Magnus:...Thank you my love! I am so proud of you!_

Glancing up at Jem Alec finally allowed himself to follow the older shadowhunter's gaze, turning around and growing still as he stared at the entrance. His eyes wide and filling with tears, subconsciously he was aware of the silence that fell over the institute, much like it had when he had arrived.

Everyone was staring at the transparent image that stood leaning in the doorway, his eyes sparkling happily and glowing as the sunlight hit the glitter that always marked his cheeks and eyes. Magnus bane staring only at Max and Alec, his arms folded over his chest and his hip popped against the door frame.

" Ma..gnus!" Alec gasped his eyes wide as he stepped forward but then stopped. He could tell what this was, this wasn't a chance meeting, after all the time that they had been separated Magnus had never once appeared no matter how much Alec had wanted him to. This was Magnus saying one last goodbye now that he was sure that Alec would be okay.

"I love you!" Alec called with a gentle smile, behind him he heard Joseph asking clary "who that is" and the red head explained that that was "uncle magnus" the surprised and happy sounds that came from the boy led Alec to believe that they had heard of Magnus.

The smile that spread over the apparition's face was heart warming as Alec watched him nod his head and mouth the words back as he stood up. Alec heard Tessa gasp as two more apparitions appeared behind magnus. A tall, green skinned male with long curled horns resting his arm upon the cat eyed warlock's arm as he leaned in towards him, speaking into his ear. Behind the two warlocks stood a male with wild black hair and bright blue eyes, his hands tucked into his trouser pockets as he leaned in to bump his shoulder against the warlock's and together the three disappeared off out of the institute, leaving behind the mortals that loved them.

"Good bye my love" Alec sighed gently as he stared after the disappearing form of his lover and as he felt a warm hand upon his shoulder he knew without looking that it was Jace at his side and he felt a lightness in his chest that he had not felt for years…

"Unkie alec!"

Alec turned around to smile gently at Jonathan, reaching out to pull him into his arms.


End file.
